I'll Give You My Name
by dragonwriter24cmf
Summary: In the aftermath of the visit to 7 Moons, Soubi and Ritsuka have some time. But can Ritsuka do anything to ease the doubts in Soubi? Can he use the new-found connection between them to ease the pain of the past?


I'll Give You My Name

A Loveless fan-fic

"Whew. That was…." Ritsuka sprawled out on his bed and heaved a sigh of relief. Then he sat up, turning to look at the man sitting beside his bed. "Soubi…are you all right?"

"Of course. I'm perfectly fine." Soubi turned and gave him a small half smile.

He was lying. Ritsuka knew it, as easily as if Soubi had written it on a piece of paper. Soubi wasn't fine. He hadn't been fine since the day he'd showed up at the house during Ritsuka's imprisonment. The day he'd knelt and wept into Ritsuka's lap, begging to run, to be taken away. The day Ritsuka had given him a key of his own. Soubi had begged to be held, and even when he left there had been a bleakness in his eyes, and a slight trembling in his hands. He'd been even worse after their confrontation in the parking lot. And after their meeting with Seimei in the library of the Seven Moons….

Ritsuka winced internally, remembering how Seimei had spoken so hurtfully to Soubi. How his brother had forced Soubi to obey him, through the name bond, even though Soubi fought him. He remembered all too well, the agonized look in Soubi's eyes when he realized what he had done, the broken way he had kept murmuring 'no', and the terrible cracking of his voice as he called himself a traitor and apologized. It hadn't been until the midst of their battle with Bloodless that Soubi had come to himself. Looking at him in the lamp light of the bedroom, he still looked far too pale.

The battle with Bloodless still made Ritsuka shiver. He'd come far too close to breaking. If it hadn't been for Soubi's arms around him, he might have lost it. They were lucky that Soubi had figured out the other team's strategy and stopped them in time.

"Ritsuka?" Soubi's voice roused him from bleak thoughts. He turned to meet the concerned eyes of his companion.

"It's nothing. I was just thinking…." He trailed off. "Soubi…"

"What is it?"

"Seimei…the way he controlled you….was it just because of that…." His eyes flickered to the bandages concealing the name Beloved, and the terrible scars across Soubi's neck. "Is it because…of the name?"

"It is." Soubi's head bowed. "It really doesn't matter what I feel…as long as I have Seimei's name….the name Beloved…." One hand rose to touch his chest, then clenched into a fist. "I will probably be forced to betray you again. I….I'm sorry Ritsuka. I just…."

"It's all right. Don't worry about it." Ritsuka looked away from Soubi's torment. He knew there was nothing he could do. There was nothing he could say that he hadn't already said. He looked down at his own arms.

The bond of a name. His own name was Loveless, and it was how Soubi had declared himself. He used the name Loveless, and had named himself the Loveless fighter. Ritsuka could even see and feel the bond that had formed between them, cemented in the halls of the school when he held Soubi and swore that he accepted him as his Fighter, his only Fighter. He had promised to be Soubi's Sacrifice. And yet, Ritsuka's name had never appeared. He'd seen the branded glowing names on other Fighter/ Sacrifice pairs, but his own name had never appeared. Not for him, not for Soubi. And even though he wanted that bond to exist, even though he'd accepted it, he didn't know how to forge a name bond, or cause the name to appear for either of them.

With a sigh, he raised his head, looking absently around the room. His eyes fell on the man sitting quietly at the foot of his bed. Seimei, he knew, had carved his name into Soubi with a knife blade. Ritsuka shivered. He'd already sworn he would never do that to this man. He cared too much for Soubi to even consider hurting him like that.

His restless gaze fell on his desk. Most of it was taken with a computer, but a cup to the side held various writing implements. Ritsuka stood and wandered over, rifling through the contents of the cup until he spotted what he was after. He pulled it out. A black permanent marker. Of course, it wasn't absolutely permanent, but still….

He turned back to where Soubi was still sitting, his head bowed. He looked back at the marker in his fist, then moved to Soubi's side. "Hey Soubi…"

"Yes?" The pale eyes raised, filled with turmoil and doubt. Ritsuka had a sick feeling that Soubi was expecting him to do something violent.

"Hey…Can you roll up your sleeves? And close your eyes?" Ritsuka settled back on his heels, avoiding his tail.

"Is that an order?" Soubi' expression went carefully blank.

"No. It's just a request. You don't have to. But there's something I want to do, and you have to roll up your sleeves for it to work properly." Ritsuka kept his eyes locked with Soubi's hoping desperately that the other man would trust him. Hoping he wasn't in one of those moods that left him unable to do anything that wasn't an order.

Soubi stared at him for a moment, then slowly rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. "All right." He folded back the cuffs to just above his elbows, then sat still, waiting.

"Close your eyes. And that is an order. No peeking." It was half-hearted, and they both knew it, but Soubi obeyed him anyway, closing his eyes and settling back against the bed.

Ritsuka studied the pale arms for an instant, then bit his lip and looked at his own arm. Carefully, he held out his left arm, and wrote his name in the marker. Loveless. It wasn't quite as neat as he would have liked, but he wasn't as used to those letters as he was to Kanji. Then he looked back at Soubi's arms.

Fighter pairs had matching marks in matching places, but mirrored, he remembered that. Carefully, he reached across and took Soubi's right arm. Since it was his left arm, it'd have to be Soubi's right. He laid the arm flat and palm upward across both their knees, and carefully began to write his name. Soubi stiffened at the first touch of the marker, but stayed still and silent. Looking up, Ritsuka could see faint perspiration on his dear friend's brow. He spoke softly. "It's all right. I don't plan to hurt you."

"It would be all right if you did." Soubi's voice was quiet. "If you want….to punish me for what happened…."

"Don't be stupid. Didn't I promise you I'd never do anything like that? Hold still." Ritsuka finished writing the word across Soubi's arm. Loveless. The name they shared.

It wasn't enough, somehow. Looking into that pale, tormented face, Ritsuka winced. He didn't want to be just Soubi's Sacrifice, or just the one who gave him orders. He cared too deeply for that. He looked at Soubi's unmarked arm. "Hold on a moment, just one more thing, okay?" Soubi nodded slightly. Ritsuka reached out and gently took Soubi's other arm. Then he wrote his given name: Ritsuka. At the very end he added the Kanji for his name. Then he lowered Soubi's arm carefully back to his side. He watched the marker dry on both the marks he had made, then settled back to sit in front of him. "Okay, you can open your eyes now." He only hoped Soubi would understand what he'd meant to do.

Soubi's eyes blinked open. He looked down at his marked forearms, and seemed to stop breathing for a moment. Carefully, he raised his right arm, looking at the name inscribed upon it. "Loveless…."

Ritsuka looked away, embarrassed. "I don't know how to make a name appear. I don't know how to give you my name properly. And since I already said I couldn't do to you what Seimei did…" He looked up into Soubi's eyes. "This will have to do." He held up his arm to show Soubi the name written on his own wrist. "See, I have it too. So we're together, and we share the name. Loveless. This is my promise, the one I made to you at Seven Moons Academy. You're my Fighter, the only one."

Soubi nodded, his emotions impossible to read within the clouds in his eyes. He looked at the other arm. "And Ritsuka….?"

"Because…" Ritsuka looked away, suddenly embarrassed. "I've said it before. I don't want to just be the one who gives you orders. You…you mean more to me than that Soubi. You're important to me." He looked at the wall, hung with photographs. Most of them had Soubi in them. "I know we're bonded as a team, but you had that with Seimei…I don't want just that. I wanted to say…you were more to me than just my Fighter. So….I'm giving you my other name. Ritsuka. Because you're important to me, even if we never fought another battle together, even if the name of Loveless should fade, I want you to be with me. As Ritsuka."

Silence fell between them. Soubi was staring at him, mouth opened slightly. Ritsuka blushed and looked away. "If you don't like it, then you can probably get it off. It's permanent marker, but still…I just…" His words were cut off as Soubi leaned forward and embraced him tightly.

"No. I'll never wash this off. Ever. This is…this is what I want." Soubi took a deep breath, and Ritsuka could feel the trembling in his frame. "Loveless' Fighter. Ritsuka. I belong to you, no matter what. For as long as you wish me to be here."

"So it's okay? To do things this way?" Ritsuka looked up, sought and found the reassurance in the other's eyes.

"It's okay." Soubi sat back, and gently raised his own wrist to kiss the markings. Then he reached forward, took Ritsuka's wrist, and kissed the marking there.

"Okay. But then you give it to me too." Ritsuka held out the black marker. Soubi looked at him in surprise. "If you have my name, then I should have yours, right? So…since I wrote Ritsuka, you write Soubi."

"Is that an order?" Soubi stared at him. "Your mother won't like it if she sees it."

"It doesn't matter. I don't intend to let her see it, and if she does, I'll tell her it's for something else. But this isn't an order. You only have to write your name if you want to." Ritsuka looked away again, but his hand continued to hold up the black marker.

Soubi stared for a minute, then reached out and took the marker from Ritsuka's hand. Gently, he took the smaller arm in his hands, laid it across his lap. "There are more permanent ways to do this."

"I know but I….this is the best I can do for now."

"It's perfect then." Soubi considered his own arm for a moment, then settled his grip on Ritsuka's wrist and began to write. "There."

Ritsuka looked down. Soubi's name was tattooed on his inner arm, along with a set of Kanji. He smiled. "Okay then. This is our promise. We're Loveless. And we are…together. As long as we can. Right Soubi?"

"As long as I live." Soubi rested his forehead against Ritsuka's. "As long as you want."

"Good." Ritsuka smiled and leaned into Soubi's warm arms. Together they sat, looking at the marks of names. And within Soubi's gaze, there was finally peace.

_Author's Note: Just an off-the-wall something that sort of popped into my head. Just finished reading the current manga and this scene just sort of came up. Hope you enjoy it._


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